About Me

Hello there kiddlie-winks. We are the awesome team (Like a Pokemon team only without the Pokemon), consisting of two Matthews and a Bree. We are here to turn your brains upside down and inside out with our pondering oblongs. This fun filled blog is here for witty remarks and a stream of oddities. Your mind is about to undergo an adventure of enlightenment. Where you will discover more about yourself in this temple of wonderment, than you ever could in the real world, enjoy the pandemonium.

2013 World Trip Part 10 (Delayed much?)



Breakfast the following morning was served with an incredible view of the valley. Hassan was very liberal with our schedule, informing us that we really didn’t have to be anywhere by any particular time that day. As such, we were back in the pool straight after eating which – if I’m not mistaken – is exactly what the experts say to do. After packing our belongings and shoving them into the back of the Prado, we settled the bill, bade farewell to the man who ran the incredible hotel – also named Hassan – and took off.



We wound our way back the way we’d come the day before. I wasn’t opposed to the backtracking – the scenery was beautiful. For the most part, we were at the bottom of the valley as we travelled so the road was skirted by thick green foliage and peppered with all kinds of flowers. The drive was a lot longer than Hassan gave it credit for and I began to wonder if taking our time that morning was indeed a wise idea after all. Hassan went through his usual practice of asking how we were every twenty minutes and I began to feel a little bad that I couldn’t give him a different answer than ‘sweaty’ each time. As we cruised by breath-taking vistas, Hassan explained that his plan for the day was to visit a gorge for an hour, travel to his home town and then finally push on out to the Sahara. We couldn’t argue, nor did we want to (it would be counter-productive seeing as it was what we’d paid for) and drank in the scenery as we enjoyed the ride.

The 4x4 stopped a few hours later in a car park skirted with sheer rock faces and Hassan informed us that we’d reached the gorge. He let us out of the vehicle and told us that he would meet us in an hour and to basically get lost until then. Heeding his words, we decided to explore the area. The Prado drove away from us on a road that ran alongside a bubbling, shallow creek. Around us were cliffs that reached up towards the sky and bathed us from the midday sun. We headed in the direction that Hassan had come and saw vendors lining the road selling more trinkets made by the local people of wherever. We followed the road as it seemed to disappear into the gorge and found Hassan sitting in the stream, smoking. Acknowledging this as completely normal Moroccan behavior, we moved on.



Ian and I followed the road through the gorge and out into the world again on the other side. The difference in heat was incredible. It was nice and cool in the shade of the gorge; stepping out into direct sunlight again was a harsh reminder that it existed. We followed the road discussing the big topics in life: if Pokemon existed in real life, who would be your team of 6 and why? We continued both along the road and with the conversation for longer than we should have before we were forced to acknowledge two other people on the road walking in our direction. Being the only four people on the road at that time, we stopped for a chat. There was a man and a woman; Hassan – of course he was – and Rose. Rose was a middle aged woman from the UK and had been travelling around Morocco for six months. She had been there before and it was by far her longest stay there. Rose looked like she’d been out in the sun for a bit too long and Mohammed was a bit too enthusiastic about the fact that we were Australian, so we bid them farewell and kept walking. We ignored their warning that there was really nothing to see in the direction we were headed and half an hour later, realized they were right. It was around that time that Hassan raced up to us in his shiny, black Toyota Prado and we realized just how long we’d been gone.

                ‘Where WERE you?!’ began Hassan like an angry parent. ‘I thought you lost! You were gone too long! I asked everyone!’
                 ‘Sorry man!’ I shrugged. ‘There’s only really one way to go and you SAID to go and explore so…’
                ‘Yes I said that, but you were gone so long!’

Sheepishly, we clambered back into the Prado and raced off to have lunch. As was Hassan’s style, we found a cool, out of the way place dug into the hills. We dined in faux luxury in a tent made of blankets and decorated with cushions and lounges. There we stayed for at least an hour before a smell of marijuana wafted past our noses from inside and Hassan stumbled out to tell us it was time to go. We were making the final push to the Sahara.

The drive was long, I’m not gonna lie. Not a great deal happened, with the exception of one small detour. We found ourselves in a small town called Rissani. As we approached the outskirts, Hassan humbly told us this was his home town. Originally, he’d been born in Fes, but had moved here later in life. He asked us if we’d like to meet his family. And that is how, half an hour later, Ian and I found ourselves sharing tea and nuts with Hassan’s family – none of whom spoke any English.

We sat on the cold, concrete floor of his family’s house, sipping our tea and trying to have a conversation through universal terms and large, exuberant hand gestures, but eventually gave up. One after the other, we all ended up watching Hassan’s new born nephew giggle and squirm in his mother’s arms. It was the most awesome moment, all finding a mutual connection through this child despite the language and cultural barriers. A few cups later, we said our goodbyes and headed back out towards the Sahara once again. It probably meant nothing to Hassan, but I felt honored that he invited total strangers into his own house – if even only for half an hour.

The buildings became fewer and fewer and before long, we turned off the bitumen completely. It was then we had our first glimpse at a dune, towering over the land in the distance. A few signs littered around our immediate area notified us that not only were we more in Algeria now than we were in Morocco, but that we were also on the official Paris Dakar Rally track. That explained why it was so incredibly shit to drive on. About three kilometers inland, we came upon a small, white car. It was the kind of car I imagine they’d cram clowns into in those weird circus acts. Three men stood around the car, scratching their heads. We pulled over and Hassan stepped out to investigate. Paranoid Matt came out and told Ian all about how we were obviously going to be kidnapped, but soon Hassan returned.

                ‘Stupid people,’ he muttered as he collected a few bottles of water from the rear of the car. ‘They come out HERE in THAT car and are surprised when it breaks down!’ And with that he trotted off to give the men the water. He returned, shaking his head.

                ‘I give them water. A man says he is calling his brother to pick them up. Stupid people. I have done all I can do.’ And with a quick wave, we left the men to their fate. We never saw them – or their car – again. Probably because they got picked up by that man’s brother. The dunes grew closer and soon we were racing along beside them. The sun had begun to set as we pulled in at a rather flash looking hotel given that we were right next to the freaking Sahara in the middle of nowhere. We were introduced to our new guide – Mohammed (surprise) and our new travel companions.



The two camels looked positively thrilled that they would be carrying us through the dunes and to compensate them, we gave them names. As I’d named a lizard in Cambodia (Gary) and the bird in Morocco (Simon), I thought it only appropriate that Ian name these two wonderful beasts. We left Hassan at the hotel for the night as Mohammed led Kenneth, Beatrice, Ian and I into the swirling dunes.



A harsh wind kicked up and I was glad that we’d acquired turbans en route. The sand peppered any exposed skin like a thousand invisible needles – though I know it could have been a lot worse. The camels plodded along at a steady pace and Mohammed stopped every now and then to copy Hassan’s practice of asking us if we were alright. I'm not sure what he would have done if we weren’t. After what felt like twenty minutes but in actual fact was close to an hour, we crested a dune and caught sight of the group of tents we’d be staying in that night.



We dismounted the camels and left them to their own devices and walked off to explore the surrounds. The sun was virtually non-existent, having disappeared behind the wall of sand kicked up by the wind long ago. What was left was a murky, grey ambient light. Hassan’s warning rang in our heads as the two of us explored the dunes – we were not to get so far away that we couldn’t see the camp. To do so could mean death. It really wasn’t long until nearly all light was gone and we understood just how easy it was to get turned around out there. We made friends with some nearby goats who ran off in response and headed back to camp. Within minutes of us plonking our sandy butts back in our tent, Mohammed brought in a feast of tagine chicken, bread and melon for desert. It was incredible; here we were in the middle of the Sahara and yet we were eating like kings. Dinner had barely touched the sides of my stomach before sleep beckoned. I crawled onto my mattress and drifted off to the sound of wind angrily shaking the tent only to be woken a few hours later by Mohammed. He talked in his sleep. That’s weird enough in English. In Arabic it’s just damn scary. Plus he was laughing. Convinced I was going to be killed by the clearly insane, sleeping Mohammed, I drifted back to sleep.

I lurched back to reality a few hours later, alive and well. Mohammed was gone. Ian wasn’t so that was good. We still had all our organs, so that was even better. We stumbled out into the early morning sunlight – after checking my watch, I found the time only to be nudging the 7.30am mark. Mohammed burst out of a tent clapping his hands and rushing us to get packed.

                ‘We go! We go!’ And he stumbled over to Beatty and Ken to prepare for the wander back to base. Ian and I were still wiping the dirt from our eyes before we realized that we were back on the four-legged beasties and hobbling over the sand dunes. It was only then that we truly saw the hulking natural behemoths in their full glory. On the journey into the dunes the wind had been kicking up the sand, so we were more interested with preserving our pretty little faces than taking in the scenery. Now, the wind had blown itself out and we were able to take it all in. 



The hour long trip back was almost completely silent as Ian and I drank it all in. Beatty slowly bobbed over the sand with Ken in hot pursuit – more due to the fact that he was tied to Beatty’s ass than any competitive notion. The dunes began to dissolve away under the feet of the camels and soon, the shiny Prado was in sight again. Once we’d dismounted at the hotel, we made a point to buy some trinkets Mohammed had laid out for us. He said he had made them all and I wasn’t about to argue that point when he’d just guided us through an incredible experience, regardless of the fact that he was selling Ian a rock. I didn’t know Mohammed could make rocks.

Hassan came from nowhere and directed us to one of the empty rooms of the hotel for us to shower and freshen up. I couldn’t believe that after two days of driving our stinking carcasses around Morocco, he wanted us clean now. Surely he would have adapted to our stench by then. Regardless, we obliged and after filling our bellies with a mixture of yoghurt, bread and coffee, we sped off in the Prado in the direction we’d originally come. Hassan asked us with disinterest how our night was and we gave the obligatory answers. It just so happened that those answers were the truth – we had both loved our night ‘camping’ in the Sahara. Hassan asked us incredibly politely if we would be able to pick his cousin up and take him to Fes, to which we agreed. He had been studying English for a media course and was due for exams. The man was incredibly friendly and kept Hassan entertained with conversation in his own language where we could not, so everybody was happy.

Hassan had travelled the roads from the Sahara to Fes many times so we felt safe knowing that one way or another, we should potentially make it there. En route, we asked about the Arabic phrases that adorned the hillsides. At some stage, people around the country had painted rocks white, lugged them up hills and arranged them into many different arrangements that obviously meant different things. Driving past them, I thought to myself how they sort of looked like Moroccan ‘Hollywood’ signs. Hassan’s cousin answered that they might all be different, but they shared similar messages.

                ‘Usually,’ he began, ‘they mean “God, King and Country”. God is the most important, so that is always written first. Following that is usually King and Country, but God is always first.’

We drove for a few hours before pulling in to a small town that looked like it had evolved from a pit stop. There were little more than a few buildings along the roadside and opposite the town were more hillside Arabic messages. They were following us. While Hassan went to get petrol for the mighty Prado, his cousin took us over to a butcher.

                ‘We will try “Kofta”.’ he told us. ‘It is meat, is good. We will get maybe one kilo.’ I had no idea what this was, but in the spirit of trying new things I went along with it. I wandered off to explore the area while Ian stayed to watch the Kofta get prepared. He later told me they selected a bit of meat from the butcher who later ground it up and mixed it with herbs, spices and egg. Then the butcher/ cook took that mixture and made one large, solid patty on a large tray (about the size of an A4 cooling rack if that makes any sense) and placed the mass of meat above an open flame to let it sizzle for a while. When it was brought over to us, it was served with the local bread that accompanied every meal in Morocco, onion and tomato. The deal was that you tore off a chunk of the bread and pinched together a chunk of the large beef patty, along with the vegetables. It was delicious. I cannot DESCRIBE how delicious it was. Out of all the meals we had overseas, that is certainly one that still stands out in my mind. It was so simple but mind-blowingly good. Having been rejoined by Hassan, the four of us polished off the Kofta in no time and soon, we were back on the road.

The scenery changed countless times as we passed through the country. The barren rocky hills were eventually replaced with fertile, green, grassy valleys inhabited by nomadic farmers which in turn was replaced by an incredibly well-kept, French-looking town. Hassan explained that this place was used by the very rich folk of Europe and America as a summer vacation spot. The area – pretty though it was – didn’t really appeal to me. It was TOO manicured, TOO fake and after travelling around the country and seeing what the rest looked like, it just seemed completely out of place.

Later, Hassan guided the Toyota through a lush cedar forest and he told us that we weren’t far from Fes. I was slightly surprised when he pulled the car over to stop then, thinking that unless Fes was a city made up entirely of tree houses, we hadn’t yet reached our destination. Hassan simply gave a shrug.

                ‘Monkeys.’ Like that explained everything. We came to a stop and Hassan pointed in the direction of a cluster of other cars.
                ‘Monkeys.’ Right. Good. Monkeys.

We’d barely made it ten metres from the car when a blur of legs and fur darted from the grass we were walking through and launched itself into a nearby tree.
                ‘Huh!’ I scoffed. ‘Monkey!’ I have no idea – and still don’t to this day – why I was surprised by this. Hassan had given us fair warning. The little monkey was keeping a close eye on our movements. It was fair enough too. We were shifty characters. We only spent a few minutes walking through the area finding scores of monkeys – young and old – playing on the ground and then bouncing up into the trees with relative ease. After harassing them with our video cameras for a little while, we waved goodbye to the monkeys and returned – disheartened – to the 4x4. The monkeys had not waved in return.



It was around half an hour later we hit the outskirts of Fes and I instantly remembered that the cities of Morocco remained my least favourite parts of the country. The suicidal traffic returned with gusto; people on motorbikes darting between cars with reckless disregard for their own lives, hatchbacks playing ‘chicken’ with buses, it was vehicular insanity. Hassan chuckled and slowly made his way further into the city, satisfied with the knowledge that if anyone hit his Toyota, they’d come off worse than we would simply due to the Prado being substantially larger than most of the other vehicles on the roads.

We pulled up at the front of our hotel for our stay in Fes and with more reluctance than either Ian or I realized, bid farewell to our guide for the last three days and his cousin. Our time with Hassan had been incredible and we were actually slightly sad to see him go. Hassan however had places to be and took off into the traffic basically as soon as we’d taken our things out of the car. We hadn’t even made it through the gate of the hotel (conveniently situated directly opposite the train station we’d need in a few days) before we were harassed by the locals. If what they were saying was anything to go by, they were all incredibly concerned with our holiday and only wished the best for us. They were offering everything from tours to women and anything in between and they were PERSISTANT. Tempers rising, we darted inside the hotel.

After checking in, we made our way to our room. The key jiggled in the lock and we crossed the threshold, eager to check out our new home for the next few days.

‘Um…’ It became glaringly apparent that there was something missing in the room, something essential. ‘Uhh… ok? You stay here,’ I told Ian. ‘I’ll go downstairs and talk to the concierge.’ Leaving my things with Ian, I returned to the front desk where the tubby concierge was having the longest conversation in history. Three years later, he managed to find time in his busy schedule and decided to acknowledge me.

                ‘Yes?’ he inquired, obviously disinterestedly.
                ‘Yeah man, we just checked in---’ I started before being interrupted.
                ‘Yes, I know. I was here.’ Said the man, accentuating his sentence with a well-practiced roll of his eyes.
                ‘---very good. We’ve just got up to the room and um… yeah, there’s no bed? So uh… could we… have one?’ The man lurched back in his chair like I’d slapped him. A satisfying look of confusion and horror was painted on his face for a moment before he regained his composure and began fumbling around with the clutter on his desk. After poking at seemingly random objects for a while, he produced two new keys and announced that we were to check into a different room. I returned to Ian, collected my things and took one look at the dusty area where a bed had once been. The linen lay sadly discarded in the corner. We high-tailed it upstairs and found our new room. We were satisfied to see that this one came fully furnished and began planning our stay as was our routine now.

We decided that first; we would head to the train station and get the tickets for our trip to Rabat, the capital of Morocco. Following that, we’d head back to the hotel and basically write off the rest of the day, having seen nothing that particularly piqued our interest on the journey into Fes. I didn’t particularly trust the staff at the hotel and decided to place the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door as we left. Not finding one however, I realized I had to visit my friend at the front desk to get this problem fixed as well. He was positively thrilled to see me again and once I’d explained the situation, he called over a security guard standing nearby and waved us both away as though he’d solved the problem. The guard then escorted me back to my room as he didn’t seem to understand any English. He used his insightful detective skills to decipher the incoherent babble that flowed from my mouth as I jabbed at the nude door handle before zipping off, never to be seen again. When we stepped back out into the corridor, a brand new sign was hanging from the handle. I left a polite message for the staff in our room should they misunderstand the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door and with that, we made our way to the station.



As soon as we stepped outside, we were pounced on once more by the incredibly concerned locals. They hadn’t forgotten us it seemed and they’d come up with new specials just for us! Honoured, we politely told them we’d think long and hard about the new bargains they’d presented us with and would come up with an answer at a later date. The train station was actually quite beautiful with a giant, ornate, arched entrance surrounded with floral mosaics. It was an interesting architectural blend of old-meeting-new. We saw a ticket machine with no-one around and made our way straight for it. That must have been the sign that everyone had been waiting for and within seconds, ten or twelve people swarmed to the area. I politely took my place in the queue but it wasn’t long before I realized that queues in Morocco were simply ideas and not instigated in any way. After a few minutes of fighting to maintain my position, I decided I’d make my way over to the ticket office and try my luck there. We made our way around the maze-like line and eventually were called to talk to the clerk. We’d barely told the guy behind the desk before a man shoved me out of the way and began telling the man we were talking to where he’d like to go. Grabbing the man by the shirt, I shoved him back and growled at him through gritted teeth:


                ‘NO.’ I pointed at him, so he knew I meant business. I’m fairly sure his look of anger was disguising his fear. I was furious. ‘WE were here first mate, so you can FUCK OFF back to the line.’ It was then that I realized he was accompanied by a few of his friends. I was faced with the very real prospect that I was about to get in a fight in a train station in the middle of Morocco. The man began yelling Arabic babble at both me and the clerk behind the desk who – to his credit – explained to the man that Ian and I had been talking to him first and that he’d have to wait. This only aggravated the guy further. His eyes were full of nothing but disgust for me and I couldn’t help but notice his body language was throwing out a superiority vibe. He must have been thinking something like how dare we be served before him, being tourists – Caucasian ones at that. At that point I very honestly didn’t care if the situation crumbled into a fist fight – having never been in one before. The people in the cities of Morocco were hostile, arrogant and had been pissing me off since I arrived. If the guy wanted a fight, I’d happily oblige. However, the ‘security guard’ decided he’d better do the job he’d been hired to do and lazily intervened. He guided the man and his friends back to the queue and we were left to book our tickets to Rabat. The clerk offered us an apologetic shrug and we made sure to get out of the station as quickly as possible before any further hostilities arose.

From the train station, we decided to stock up on ‘groceries’ (water, chocolate, chips) and made a quick detour to some shops before running back to our room. By that stage, my tolerance with being persistently pestered by the locals was wearing quite thin. Honestly, up until that point, I’d thought that I was a fairly tolerant guy but I guess I’d taken for granted things like personal space and manners. The cities of Morocco had provided quite an eye-opening experience.
I can’t remember much more from that day apart from heading downstairs a little later for dinner. We thought we’d risk venturing out once more to see what kind of restaurants Fes had to offer in our immediate vicinity. It turned out that we were in the wrong place for fine dining so we found the place with the most understandable menu and where the staff didn’t look like they were going to murder us immediately. We tucked into a mean chicken tagine and some of the best hot chips we’d had in Morocco. After some manky-looking feral cats tried to guilt some food out of us, we made our exit and retired to the safety of the hotel room. We watched a few thrilling episodes of ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ before our bodies told us that it was time that we switched off and recharged.






ANOTHER INSTALLMENT COMPLETE! It was a long'un I know, but I'm not writing as much as I used to. Also, I'm home now. I'll try my pretties! I'll try!!

Follow this link to Part 11: http://ponderingoblong.blogspot.com.au/2013/08/2013-world-trip-part-11.html

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