iPhone 5, we can make it lighter, faster ....Longer?

So some might say that a year is quite a long time for a holiday, but to those people I thumb my nose, we at Pondering Oblong have not lost heart, only our dignity, but let's face it we lost that quite some time ago. Probably around the same time that Apple reinforced the ideal that bigger is in fact better.
The new iPhone 5 hits stores world wide in just a few days, I would like to say that we have reviewed it, but I would be lying, what we can tell you is just a few basic facts, most of which you could just Google yourself.
It's lighter then it's predecessor - Because we all know how much of a hassle the weight of previous phones were.
It's faster - So now you can ignore your surroundings without those troublesome loading periods.
It's longer - So now it can show 3 Google search results without you having to scroll, which lets face it, is fantastic. Now you just have to ask Siri to search porn and you can go straight to redtube, completely handsfree!
On behalf of all lonely men with high-speed smart phones everywhere, Apple, I salute you.

Masturbation jokes aside Apple might just be getting involved in something even more destructive then the arms race. As the board of directors for both Apple and Samsung are predominately male, this could end up a competition of whose is longest, in which case we'll be ducking footlongs all day long, reducing a casual stroll to something more akin to a night in HQ.

In other news today marks the turning of a new leaf for this blog, we welcome our third writer extraordinaire Matthew Tyler to the gang, he should be posting on a computer near you.
Or if you're one of those sorts you should be able to catch him on your new iPhone 5, now with three extra visible sentences.