Why you will never be cooler than a Knight.

First order of business today dear reader is to release a hearty ‘woop’ to celebrate Matthew Tyler’s birthday. Yes this day forty years in the future the cyber entity Skynet in a desperate bid created a terminator like no other. This terminator after terminating Skynet and the rest of the human population travelled back in time on a quest to learn what it truly is to be human. It drank lots, partied more and developed quite the funny bone. Forgetting all about its quarrel with mankind it decided that it rather enjoyed our company, if only for the moment.

So today we celebrate the metaphorical (and in some cases physical) bullet we all dodged when the terminator decided not to kill us, thank you Matt Tyler for your mercy. I wish I could say he allowed us to survive from the hopes that mankind will one day be a pure and happy race, but that would be a lie. He’s just allowing us to breathe a little longer so we can create Avengers 2, and the other phenomenal movies coming out in a cinema near you.

So onto the meat of the matter, your lack of armor and sword! That’s right; there is a reason why we all love A Knight’s Tale! King Arthur! Merlin! And any other medieval movie or even game, that reason simply put? We all just want a sword.

In whose mind was it ever a practical or good idea to stop wearing these steel extensions of the human ego on daily jaunts out to get goods and services.

You’re walking in a clothes store, you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection, you seem hunched to one side and slightly down-trodden by society.

Now picture this, you catch a glimpse of yourself, your cape is billowing, your sword sits sheathed at your side evening your posture and your shoulders are squared with defiance. Nothing can change your mood, nothing can change your mind, you really are amazing.

That could be you! If you had a sword!

No more would people be able to bite their thumb at thee!

No more would they be able to quarrel!

Thumb biting and quarreling can be quite difficult with a short-sword wedged between your shoulders.

You could say what you want and do what you want and if anybody disagreed, then meet them on one of the fairest and most just battlegrounds we ever created, the dual.

Not only do you get to wear the sword, you can use it too! It’s a special two for one offer!

Surely this sounds like a fantastic idea right? No? Really? You don’t like this idea? It’s too rash and dangerous?

Yes, I suppose your right, arming the criminals of the world would surely just cause more havoc.

What’s that? The criminals are already armed? Well surely we shouldn’t arm the innocents as well, they might hurt someone.

All I ask of you dear reader is to think about it, think long and hard as you will slowly realise that yes, I am right, your life would be better with a sword.

Tis The Season To Get Blogging, Tralalalala La La La La.

Oh hello, I didn't see you there amongst my “Things To Do, But Never Get Around To Actually Doing” List.

This dear old blog, what is it actually here for? Well I'll tell you, it’s for the average person to read on a rainy day, or when there’s no fuel in the car to go down to the shops to buy those emergency tissues from when that rude peasant sneezed on you at work, granting you an unpleasant ticket to cold town…
It’s days like that, that this somewhat temperamental “Pondering Oblong” will hopefully come in handy. I admit, we are doing quite an appalling job at keeping it fresh and up to-date, you can blame me for that. (I’ll let you decide who the ‘me’ is).

To be honest, I can’t think of a god damn thing to write about. I mean I've had my moments of inspiration while I go about my lazy life, but nothing that I can say “Wow! That’s worth writing about!”, as the moments mainly consist of me eating a banana, or elegantly stubbing my toe on the end of my bed and creating a new form of swear words, such as “Shi-utka!” or “Fuu-shadada”.

Anyway moving on to some sort of meaning to this post… >___>

I wrote this next little story a while ago, but I thought it was a bit bland and pointless, but you never know, you might get a small sense of relation to it...

AHEM!
We've all experienced that horrid moment when you've just got yourself nice and comfortable in your bed; you’ve had such a busy day and you're really just looking forward to a grand old sleep, when suddenly a high pitched buzzing breaks the peaceful air of your room. At first you're too tired to worry about such a thing and roll over to try the other side (as they say, the grass is always greener!) 

Silence, thank god.

Bzzz.....zzzz...................Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............Bzzzz....... 

It's like you're in the stalls of a bloody racetrack!

Let's try the ol' swipe everywhere around you in the dark trick (there's no need for lights when you're a ninja right?). Maybe you'll hit it with your thumb and knock it out onto the floor for you to tread on in the morning. After about 5 or so longish minutes of banging the walls with your palms and a load of violent night swiping, you think that's probably enough stupidity, so you lay your head down on that gloriously soft pillow and close your eyes. 

Bzzzzzzzz……zzzzzzzzzz.

Right, that’s it! Time for some light on the matter!  


….. 

(..I couldn’t resist)

After your eyes have adjusted to the extreme brightness of the once dark room; THERE! Sitting on the wall, is your beloved (soon to have its guts imprinted on your palm) mosquito friend. Steady now…Don’t let it see you…THUMP!

With its bloody remains of your blood (and possibly others) on your wall, you leave it there as a trophy for the morning. With such a joyous smile, you turn out the light, roll over and enjoy the peace and quite of the night

...Until about an hour later when you awake with an itch behind your ear, and to your great misfortune, the song of the mosquito's has returned once more.