First order of business today dear reader is to release a hearty ‘woop’ to celebrate Matthew Tyler’s birthday. Yes this day forty years in the future the cyber entity Skynet in a desperate bid created a terminator like no other. This terminator after terminating Skynet and the rest of the human population travelled back in time on a quest to learn what it truly is to be human. It drank lots, partied more and developed quite the funny bone. Forgetting all about its quarrel with mankind it decided that it rather enjoyed our company, if only for the moment.
So today we celebrate the metaphorical (and in some cases physical) bullet we all dodged when the terminator decided not to kill us, thank you Matt Tyler for your mercy. I wish I could say he allowed us to survive from the hopes that mankind will one day be a pure and happy race, but that would be a lie. He’s just allowing us to breathe a little longer so we can create Avengers 2, and the other phenomenal movies coming out in a cinema near you.
So onto the meat of the matter, your lack of armor and sword! That’s right; there is a reason why we all love A Knight’s Tale! King Arthur! Merlin! And any other medieval movie or even game, that reason simply put? We all just want a sword.
In whose mind was it ever a practical or good idea to stop wearing these steel extensions of the human ego on daily jaunts out to get goods and services.
You’re walking in a clothes store, you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection, you seem hunched to one side and slightly down-trodden by society.
Now picture this, you catch a glimpse of yourself, your cape is billowing, your sword sits sheathed at your side evening your posture and your shoulders are squared with defiance. Nothing can change your mood, nothing can change your mind, you really are amazing.
That could be you! If you had a sword!
No more would people be able to bite their thumb at thee!
No more would they be able to quarrel!
Thumb biting and quarreling can be quite difficult with a short-sword wedged between your shoulders.
You could say what you want and do what you want and if anybody disagreed, then meet them on one of the fairest and most just battlegrounds we ever created, the dual.
Not only do you get to wear the sword, you can use it too! It’s a special two for one offer!
Surely this sounds like a fantastic idea right? No? Really? You don’t like this idea? It’s too rash and dangerous?
Yes, I suppose your right, arming the criminals of the world would surely just cause more havoc.
What’s that? The criminals are already armed? Well surely we shouldn’t arm the innocents as well, they might hurt someone.
All I ask of you dear reader is to think about it, think long and hard as you will slowly realise that yes, I am right, your life would be better with a sword.
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