2013 World Trip - Part 1

2013 Trip

Well, I had hoped to be handwriting this instead of typing, but now I just want to write these things down before I forget them. I mean, I’m filming this whole trip and taking photos, but that just means I’ll remember those specific things and I want to have a little more on record. 

My friend Ian Quin and myself had been planning a round-the-world trip for at least a year. Can’t remember how long. That’s irrelevant. Initially, the entire idea for the trip came about during a lunch time catch up between myself and another mate of mine Tom Oaklands. He was telling me about cruises he’d been on and all the travelling he’d like to do and I just thought, 

‘You know what? I want to travel too!’ 

So originally there were going to be four of us on the trip. Ian, Tom, Blake Morrell and I. But in the end after all was said and done, it ended up being just Ian and myself. Which wasn't too bad. Not REALLY...

So, in the days leading up to the flights, I was a bit stressed. My girlfriend and I were moving into an amazing apartment in Glenelg and I had four night shifts in Accident and Emergency. As if the moving wasn’t hard enough (I never want to touch those freaking chest of drawers ever again) the night shifts were SPASTIC busy. Had the SAME guy come in 3 out of the 4 nights, each with overdose related issues. I was exhausted by the end of it all.

However, it DID all come to an end and all of a sudden, I’m standing in my apartment with my bags all packed, surrounded by Ian  and our families. It was a bit like 

‘Oh, shit wait, what? We’re going now? Like, we’re actually doing this?’

 I was a little worried about my girlfriend because she’d just seen her sister off to America for something like 4 months the week before, now she was saying goodbye to me as well. I don’t want to big note myself here or anything, but I’m pretty fucking great. I’D be gutted if I left me. So we all made our way down to the airport, with Tara’s mum along for emotional support. Despite the fact that the apartment is a two minute drive from the airport and us all leaving at the SAME time, Ian thought he’d provoke some of my dormant anxieties by turning up late. 

We had checked in online the night before, so all we needed to do was chuck our baggage on and we were set. We’re at the desk and all of a sudden they’re bringing up things like ‘Do you have your VISA for Vietnam ready?’ and ‘Oh you DON’T have spare passport sized photos?’ And I’m left standing there like ‘Uh… No? Why would I? This has literally never been raised with us before.’ That must have solved whatever problems the ladies at Singapore Airlines were concerned about because quick as you’d like, our bags were on and we were back with our families. 

Ian and I grabbed some cash for the way over – some Singapore Dollars and US – and had our last few drinks with the family. We made our way to international departures, we kissed (well, I kissed Tara. Would’ve been a bit awkward if I’d kissed anyone else. I mean Tara was RIGHT THERE! She would’ve seen everything!) we hugged, and just like that, ian and I were in line at departures, the families would not be seen for another 5 weeks. I was filming absolutely everything, waving my little camera around like a mad man until Ian pointed out

‘Uh yeah, there are signs everywhere that say ‘No Cameras’. Like, literally, everywhere.’ So I quickly stuffed my little camera into my pocket and prayed I didn’t get tackled by security .

We made our way to the front of the line and Ian got called up to the frankly-too-attractive female immigration officer. It was at this point that I realized I had unknowingly made a new friend – there was an elderly Indian man practically humping my leg. He only had eyes for the lady behind the desk. I guess in his mind he was thinking 

‘Well, I’m NEAR the front of the line, so I MUST be next.’ Ian finished his business and before the lady had even called for the next person to be served (which would have been me) when the man pushed his way past me – literally shoved me out of the way. So I gave him a firm scolding and then made my way to the not-unattractive-but-I-don’t-float-that-way male immigration officer.

With my warmest, most award-winning smile plastered to my face so there would be no way of mistaking cheerful little me with an angry terrorist, I began getting processed. Within two seconds, the man had detected a problem. 

‘Ooh. Your passport. It’s a bit tatty, isn’t it?’ So he calls over some assistance to help him deal with the ‘tatty passport’ – which is legitimately what he called it on the radio. I get sent over to the overweigh-and –angry-with-his-life-choices male officer, he took one look at my passport before he shrugged his shoulders, threw it back to me and continued living his life in the fast lane.

I caught up with Ian in the departure lounge where we made friends with some lovely older ladies. One was an approximately 60 year old lady, the other was her mother. The latter was quite deaf which meant EVERYONE would be treated to their conversations whether they liked it or not. But they were nice enough, so I let them get away with it. Cheeky minxes, the two of them. Boarding begins for the front section of the plane so I remained seated. I was sitting basically at the end of a ramp that connects to a corridor that connects to the plane. I threw a glance towards the end of the ramp and saw an Asian lady clutching her head, holding onto the handrail with her other hand. I also happened to notice every single passenger walking by her, STARING at this lady, but not one of them offered to help. So I went over to her and asked if she was OK. I’m not sure if she didn’t speak English or just couldn’t speak, but she remained silent. The passengers had now started to act concerned for the lady, I’m guessing if I hadn’t shown an interest in the lady, she would’ve continued going unnoticed. I let some of the flight staff know about the lady and a wheelchair was brought out for her, escorting her away. I think they took her out the back and quietly put her down because I sure as hell didn’t see her get back on the flight. 

Our first flight was direct from Adelaide to Singapore. 7 hours. Saw some really cool things like lightning racing through the clouds at however-many-thousand-feet-up we were. I have to say, that time would’ve been incredibly tedious if it weren’t for the fact that I’d brought my Ninetndo DS and Pokemon Soul Silver. Pokemon  is FREAKING sweet. I leveled up my team, I took on my rival, you wouldn’t believe how riveting it was. I could tell you more, but I won’t. Just know that I could. But I won’t. 

But I totally could.

So Ian and I touch down in Singapore, quite tired despite sleeping on the plane. I don’t get that, why does travel make you so exhausted? Regardless, we arrived at midnight. I’d heard there was a cinema, a gym, a hotel, all the things you could ever want and more, but we had our priorities. We had to get Ian a boarding pass printed (all of mine had been printed in Adelaide, but for some reason they were unable to do the same with Ians.) and get passport photos for our VISA applications into Vietnam. Being midnight though, we didn’t really want to do anything, so when we found that we would be unable to print the boarding pass out until two hours before the flight, our priorities shifted – it was time to get some shut eye.

We made our way to the transit hotel, but found there were no rooms at the in. Luckily there was a place next door with ‘nap rooms’ available! But they were all in use as well. Tired, hungry and stinky, we wandered around until we happened upon the awesome ‘Snooze Lounge’ which is exactly what it says. Just a bunch of couches, and a bunch of people sleeping on them. I quickly shoveled some grub into me and made a beeline for a couch. I was asleep within moments. I was awoken with a start a few hours later by armed guards wanting to see our boarding passes. Ian was saying to me that from where he was sitting, a gun (though holstered) awaited him at eye level as soon as he was awake. Satisfied, the guards left and we drifted off again. 

We were woken by some other passenger’s alarm – each of us having slept through Ian’s despite the fact that it was right next to us. We made our way to Starbucks and smashed some food again. Turns out, toasted bagels with cream cheese are like putting small pieces of warm heaven in your mouth, I highly recommend it. We freshened up with a fresh coat of roll on deodorant and made our way to the desk for Ian’s boarding pass. After that had been done, we made our way over to terminal 2 (we were in terminal 3) to check the photographs off the list. With that sorted, I decided to check into a nearby ‘Cotton On’ as I was having serious doubts about the clothes I had packed. None of them were particularly light or well ventilated so thirty dollars and two polo tops later, I figured I had solved that problem. We mosied on back over to terminal 3 to wait out the remaining time until the flight. It wasn’t until the doors slid open that I realised I’d left my sunglasses back in Terminal 2. What was initially one quick trip became three as we hurried back to the store where id left them and back again.

Ian and I made ourselves quite comfortable in the departure lounge and became good friends with Heineken that slid down way too easily. Rosy-cheeked and ‘chilled as fuck’ as we would repeat countless times over the next few hours, we boarded the flight, no problems this time. 

I felt a pang of disappointment about leaving the Singapore Airport; not just that I’d been rudely torn away from the bar, but now I would be unable to ‘rate’ the toilets. Singapore airport had these little touch screens on the wall with a range of faces from smiley to miserable asking about how satisfied you were with the toilets. I couldn’t get enough. Smashed the ‘excellent’ face every time I saw one. Sometimes twice.

So we were on our way to Vietnam. Nothing really eventful happened that trip. I annoyed ian, trained the HECK out of my Pokemon (I think I’m gonna have to drop Beedrill from the list, touch as that decision is…) and napped. That’s it. We landed in Vietnam to cloudy, grey skies, thick humidity and patchy rain. We stepped off the plane onto the tarmac and crammed into a shuttle bus to take us to the terminal. I don’t mean crammed in a figurative sense here either people. I very much mean there were more people on this thing than it was designed to carry. I got very cuddly with an old man.

Ian and I rode the shuttle for a minute until it arrived at the building. We were shepherded through security with literally no checks despite the fact that I set off the metal detector. I mean, hey, I’m not complaining – I HATE having to take everything out of my pockets awkwardly – but it was still a bit like;

‘Yeah, you’re right. It COULD have been my belt buckle that set the alarm off. Of course it COULD also be this .357 Magnum I have tucked away in there too.’

We ambled down to our next departure gate as our next flight was going to leave around an hour after we had landed. We mulled around in there for a while with nothing really exciting happening. I mean, what did you want? It’s a recount of my tale so far, I didn’t say it was ALL going to be exciting. Greedy.

We jumped on a plane to Phnom Penh and I had just settled into a nice, cozy little doze when the Captain shrieked through the intercom that we were beginning our descent. I mean seriously. He didn’t even use his inside voice. I couldn’t believe it though, it honestly felt like we had JUST taken off and we were already landing. These places are THAT close to each other. Sure, you can SEE that on a map, but it was just a cool little ‘Wait, what?’ moment. 

Once we were in Phnom Penh, Ian and I had very different experiences with the immigration staff. We had filled out the seventeen bajillion (three) pieces of paper for our entrance and exit from the country and also our VISAs. When that was done, we walked down to the two men to be processed and allowed into the country. I had a nice, cheerful young fellow while Ian had this crabby, old thing. I was basically breezed through while Ian got the third degree from the cretin, getting his fingers scanned and all! (For the record, I didn’t get mine done. I’m a renegade.) So we came out of the airport and were beaten down by the humidity. It honestly felt like we were walking through a sauna. That has been largely consistent during our stay here – apparently it’s the rainy season here so I’m not entirely sure why I’m surprised.

Walking out into the mad throng of taxi drivers awaiting for us already, it was a relief to see ‘Matthew Tyler’ plastered on a piece of paper. The thousands of emails that I’d sent to the ‘Burly Guest House’ (our hotel during our stay in Phnom Penh) had been received and acted on. The guy holding the piece of paper couldn’t have been more than 18 but he swore he was 23. He took us in air-conditioned comfort to the Burly GH. Conversation was strained to say the least. He spoke relatively good English, but it was hard for me to find the right words to use so he would understand what I meant. For example, I told him that I was keen not to offend any of the locals by unknowingly breaking local customs so I asked him if there were any I should be aware of. After a long silence during which he processed everything I said, he very slowly replied:

                ‘…Yes…’

He did not elaborate. Obviously, he had been sworn to secrecy. I didn’t pry any further but I knew I’d have to tread lightly from there on in.

We reached the Burly Guest House and made arrangements for the same driver from the airport to pick us up the next day to take us to the Killing Fields and a shooting range. An odd combination, but we’ll not think too hard about that now shall we? After the kind hotel staff helped us get our belongings up to our room, we waited awkwardly for him to leave. It wasn’t until he’d backed out of the room, smiling and offering us prayer-like hand gestures that we realized he was totally waiting for a tip that entire time and we’d just come off as stuck-up western tourists that didn’t want to pay any more than they needed. Which was basically true but we didn’t intend to be so blatantly obvious about it so quickly.

Ian and I took a shower – separately, no funny business here thank you very much – and threw on some clothes that were less saturated with body odor. We trekked back downstairs (we were on the 8^th floor in the VIP room, aww yeah) and walked ALL THE WAY across the street to the Burly BBQ. It was a relatively small restaurant but it had a really cool lay out. In the centre were the stock-standard chairs and tables. Skirting the edges were these tables in the centre of four benches. It’s kind of hard to explain but you had to walk over your seat to sit at the table; it was awesome, just believe me.

We awkwardly traded some orders with our waiter who tried his very hardest to understand what we were saying, but in the end we simply jabbed our grubby little fingers at what we wanted on the menu – this tactic worked much better. I went for the ‘Fried Quail with something something’ option and Ian was disappointed when they couldn’t provide him with the ‘Lemon Beef’ he’d ordered, so he received ‘Deep-Fried Beef Something’ instead. It was his first foray with chopsticks and I thought he was doing really well until our overly-helpful-to-the-point-of-creepy waiter jumped in his lap, gave him a spoon and disappeared again. I’m not entirely sure that what I received was Quail, but what I know for certain was that it had every single bone left in it. I was sure that the pieces that didn’t have bone in them would have special bones placed IN them so they wouldn’t feel left out as they tried to choke me while I swallowed them. Washing the meal down was easy – I ordered one Heineken for Ian and myself and somehow received six. I was not unhappy with this.

Ian and I settled into our benches and regaled each other with marvelous tales of Pokemon. Things were going so well that we finished our beers, so I looked around for more. I saw on another table a group of men had ordered a beer tower (a HUGE jug with its own tap so you can pour more beer at your leisure) and made the incredibly smart decision that I must do the same. I received a worried look from the waiter who tried explaining to me that these things were supposed to cater for a minimum of four people, and that together, Ian and I only added up to two. I either didn’t understand or didn’t care – the more I think back on the event, the more I lean towards the latter – so I pushed on with the order. 

The waiter was literally standing at his beer tap for twenty minutes filling the jug. I had seriously underestimated how much beer these things would hold. We drew glances from literally everyone in the bar, and they weren’t even subtle about it. Who were these strange white boys that come to our bar and drink LITERALLY all of our beer?! I took my first glass of beer from the tower and my heart sank a little – there was no noticeable drop in the level of beer. I had probably just drained all of Cambodia of all of the beer it had ever had ever and now it was up to me to drink it. Ian joined in but it wasn’t long before the glasses started getting drained slower and slower and we had to admit defeat. I was particularly embarrassed because we had received such enthusiastic encouragement from some people one table over and now we were leaving in disgrace.

I paid for our meal - $20 USD. I was stunned when I saw the check. All that?! For HOW much?! So I did what any normal drunk person would do in that situation who had just remembered to tip people. I threw another $10 USD on top of it. And then I left really quickly and drunkenly because they were shocked beyond belief at what I’d done. I honestly thought for a second that I’d offended them in some way but got over that REALLY quickly because I was drunk. Ian and I stumbled to our rooms and passed out.

HERETH ENDETH PARTETH ONE...ETH. 

Hope you enjoyed that kiddies, I'm about to board a flight to Istanbul - a trip that will take around 11 hours. So battery life permitting, I'm going to type my little heart out and try to get up to date with this journal. 

Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed the read and even more importantly, I hope you will continue to do so!

If not, we're no longer friends.

Follow the link for part 2!: http://ponderingoblong.blogspot.com/2013/06/2013-world-trip-part-2.html